2008: Best/Worst Sports Year Ever?

Sports Illustrated just declared 2008 the Best Sports Year Ever. The major factors for this idea were: the Giants winning the Super Bowl, which I'm sure was just wonderful for many people outside of New England; reformed drug addict Josh Hamilton put on a clinic at the All Star Game's Home Run Derby (I'm not kidding, it's in there); Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open (what else is new?); there was a really great tennis match (wake me up when this gets interesting); the U.S. did great at the Olympics in beach volleyball and swimming (sports people only care about once every four years); and the Celtics beat the Lakers for the NBA title (no arguments on the merit of this item). It was a pretty good year, certainly not a bad year, but the best year? Come on, man.

You know who had the worst sports year ever? The City of Seattle. In '08, the Emerald City was treated to these chestnuts: after 41 seasons and after finishing the 2008 season in last place with the worst record in the Western Conference and the second-worst in the NBA (20-62), the SuperSonics basketball team was moved to Oklahoma City and re-named the Thunder (their record is 3-29 so far); in baseball, the Mariners delivered a last-place, American League-worst 61-101 record, becoming the first team in history to win 100 games in one season and lose 100 games in another within a ten-year period; let's see, hockey... Seattle doesn't have an NHL team... they do have a minor league team, the Thunderbirds of the WHL, who finished second-to-last in the standings (14-19) and were just moved from Seattle to Kent, 25 miles away; the University of Washington football team made history by going 0-12 for its first-ever winless season; the UW basketball team finished below .500 and was eliminated in the first round of the least-attended contest of the PAC-10 tournament; the Seahawks football team just wrapped up a 4-12 campaign, the second-worst record in the 31-year history of the franchise. The only bright spot Seattle sports had in 2008 was its WNBA team, the Storm, who finished in second place in a tie for the league's second-best record (20-12) before being eliminated in the first round of the playoffs. They may have done better, too, if the lovely Lauren Jackson didn't miss a third of the season and get injured while representing her native Australia in the Olympics. Alas, my favorite woman on earth is an unrestricted free agent, which means we can likely expect to say goodbye... Seattle sports fans, you done got hosed in '08, kids.

In related news...
The New York Jets fired head coach Eric Mangini this morning. My .02... this is a cowardly, irresponsible, misguided move by Jets ownership. When the team's ownership signed a relic named Brett Favre to a one-year, $14M deal in August, Mangini was forced to dump QB Chad Pennington four weeks before the season began. While Favre went on to throw a League-high 22 interceptions and lead the Jets out of the playoff hunt by throwing nine picks and two touchdowns for a League-worst passer rating in the course of losing 4 of the season's last 5 games (3 at the hands of teams at or below .500), Pennington went on to achieve the NFL's second-highest passer rating, becoming the first Miami Dolphin QB since Dan Marino to throw for more than 3,500 yards in a season, posting an 11-5 record and winning the AFC East title. Pennington is also being included in the League MVP conversation. Now, anyone can Monday Morning Quarterback this thing, but back in August I certainly didn't anticipate Favre, who is 39 (antique in NFL years) and didn't decide he wanted to play football until the summer (read: not in football shape), would have a stellar season, particularly in December. On one hand, the Jets spent more than $100M in off-season free agent acquisitions, which sets the bar pretty high, i.e., you must make the playoffs or some heads will roll. On the other hand, the team headed into the stretch 8-3 with consecutive road wins against the four-time defending Division champion Patriots and (then 10-0) Titans. After that point, Favre's age and lack of off-season conditioning kicked in. He was physically and mentally tired, had no mustard on the football, and delivered a 5-week horror show that not even Rex Grossman is capable of crapping out. The Jets lost all 4 games by 10 points or less, and all 4 came against lesser teams. If the quarterback registered an average day at any two of these four games, the Jets would have had the AFC East wrapped up before Week 17. But that wasn't the case, not due to anything the coach did, but the result of a last-minute pre-season personnel decision made by ownership. And if the Jets had won the Division and advanced to the post-season, Eric Mangini would not be fired. Summarizing... ownership made a move for Favre, dealing the franchise quarterback Pennington to a Division rival, Favre made the difference that had the Jets clearing their lockers before January while Pennington enjoyed a career season whose Week 17 exclamation point was the situationally ironic beating of the Jets in the Meadowlands to clinch the Division, and rather than absorbing any of it and making plans for a new QB in the draft or free agent market (Matt Cassel, anyone?), they fire the coach? Like I said... a cowardly, irresponsible, misguided move by Jets ownership.

The good news is two-fold. As a Mangini supporter, I am happy for him that he can get the hell out of New York. And, now I can comfortably return to the business of hating the mother f***ing Jets.

Twas the Night Before Draft Day

What does Eric do with the house to himself on a Friday night? Why, he re-writes Twas the Night Before Christmas as an homage to the high-scorers of the 2008 fantasy football season. Duh! If you're not an NFL fan, this won't be interesting to you. If you are, it might be good for a chuckle.


Twas the night before Draft Day, when all through the home,
Not a QB was scrambling, not even Jake Delhomme.
The stockings were hung by Wes Welker with care,
In hopes that Tom F. Brady soon would be there.

Then in Week One, he went down with a hassle,
They announced, "Brady's down! Say hi to Matt Cassel!"
Some Fantasy owners they barked with chagrin,
"I drafted Tom Terrific! Guess I'm goin' four and ten!"

The Ravens were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of quarterbacks danced in their heads.
Matt Ryan in his 'kerchief, Brett Favre in his cap,
Big Ben settled down for a three-and-out nap.

When out in the flat there arose such a clatter,
Urlacher sprang from the seam to see what was the matter.
Away from the hash mark he flew up the corner,
Tore through the tight end and tattooed Kurt Warner!

The break on the pinkie of the new-fallen Romo
Gave the lustre of mid-day to pass rushers below.
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But eight in the box were eight Buccaneer!

With big Donald Driver, and the mighty L.T.,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Brees.
More consistent than the Eagles, the offense it came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now, Rivers! Now, Rodgers! This is gonna be easy!
On, Peyton! On, Eli! Wake up, Brian Griese!
The defense is stingy! The corners are holdin'!
It just doesn't matter! Throw it to Boldin!"

Andre Johnson will play through pain,
Just like my man, Reggie Wayne.
A surprise superstar was a back called Slayton,
While showing his age was poor Mark Clayton.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the lawn
The relentless pounding of a dude named Marshawn.
As I drew in my head, and was spinning around,
Right up the A-hole, Michael Turner abound.

Matt Forte's toes twinkle! How MoJo is merry!
And old Thomas Jones, his nose like a cherry!
Oh, Brian Westbrook, you are gettin' old,
Where would the Bears be without Robbie Gould?

We wonder what happened to Bill Romanowski,
Who cares when your kicker is Stephen Gostkowski?
With round face and belly, I find myself smitten,
By Dallas Clark and Jason Witten.

D'Angelo Williams, Kevin Boss,
A rolling Santana gathers no Moss.
The unsung hero is Kyle Orton,
Jackie Gleason as Cramden used to say, "Hey, Norton!"

He was dressed all in gold, and in black to his eye,
It was easy to tell, this ain't Charlie Frye.
An injured Deuce McAllister he had flung on his back,
And without Reggie Bush, this guy had some sack.

He sprang to his huddle, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, he dropped back out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all! I'll see you in Hawaii, with Lendale White!"

Rock Salt: Seattle's Apparent Kryptonite

photo taken by my friend Duane as we drove along I-5 in downtown Seattle, Friday afternoon - "Whoa - look at that - there's a bus up there - holy crap - does your phone take pictures?"

Seattle doesn't get much snow. The outlying areas do, places an hour and more away among the mountains, sure, they get a couple/few respectable dumpings a year. But the city itself? This is my fifth winter here and I've spent the winters waiting for winter to begin. We tend to get a light dusting or two each season, the kind that melts within a day or two and you use a broom but not a shovel to clear the sidewalk, if you even bother with it at all. I'm not complaining. I like weather, but I also like dealing with it. Among my fondest memories are the Blizzard of '78 when my dad and I threw my (naked and then-5 year-old) brother into 4 feet of snow, Hurricane Gloria when my family and friends played football in the park, the Super Bowl in Miami a couple years ago when Ed and I rented a Bears-orange convertible but it rained cats and dogs all weekend, a football game in Green Bay when the wind chill took things down to -32 degrees but it was okay because Fran and I had smuggled in some Captain Morgan and the guy next to us had smuggled in some hot chocolate in a thermos and a new cocktail was born...

I've lived in Boston, Syracuse, Jersey, Chicago, and now Seattle. Of these locales, the only one which virtually shuts down after a couple inches of snow is Seattle. Not so coincidentally, the only one of these which does not apply rock salt to the snowy and icy streets is Seattle. Sure, the Emerald City is full of steep hills - but so is Syracuse, where the hills are at least as steep and the city gets more than FIFTEEN TIMES the snow Seattle gets - annual snowfall measured in inches, 115.6 in Syracuse, 7.3 in Seattle, according to the U.S. Dept. of Commerce Climatic Data Center. When it snows in Syracuse, almost every day from early November through late March (and the temperature maintains below freezing throughout, so today's snowfall just sits on top of yesterday's), city trucks spread rock salt on all the streets and city workers spread it on the sidewalks. In fact, as each city has its nickname, Syracuse is aptly known as the Salt City. There, the snow falls and the city with its people and places simply continues to function. Not that I'm dying to move back to Syracuse, but... Here in Seattle, half the businesses close, the lead news story is "Don't Leave the House! The Sky is Falling!" and everyone just clams up. As I watch the city trucks throwing sand - SAND - on the frozen streets, I must request...

Dear City of Seattle:
1. Buy some rock salt: not exclusively an east coast commodity. Also, it melts ice.
2. Lose the sand. Sell it to Alaska. They're nearby and their governor is a dunce.
3. Fill the sand trucks with the rock salt.
4. Apply the ice-melting rock salt as you normally would the non-ice-melting sand.
5. Wonder aloud as the results are, well, there are results.
6. Enjoy the lack of this:


Any questions?

Eric Maloney’s 2008 Monster Hits

Each December since 2001, I've made a mix CD of music released during the current year, which is sent and given to the people on my xmas card list. I'm sure some people use it for a drink coaster while others anticipate its arrival and rely on it to stay current with music. For me, it's a fun way to prevent waking up one day realizing I haven't explored new music in years. As life with its demanding career and family commitments imposes quite a presence, it happens to most people quite easily and maintaining a moderately healthy consumption of new music is incidentally left behind. For many of my family and friends, that's where I come in. I buy music throughout the year, then there's the inevitable 4th Quarter Scramble where, between catching up on some of the records I meant to buy earlier in the year and the trend of more albums being released during the holiday season, I wind up with headphones on my squash for countless hours in November and half of December. Living with me this time of year must be a joy, as I run around the house with headphones on, looking like the retarded kid in There's Something About Mary. "Franks and beans!"

Choosing which music to include is always fairly taxing. I try to deliver a balance of some stuff that was popular in the mainstream and some that wasn't, to hit you with some things you may already be familiar with or have at least heard of, along with stuff that's entirely new to you, and maybe some music by artists you're familiar with but didn't realize they'd put out a record this year. This year's song list is pleasantly fresh - of the 20 songs, only four of the artists have previously appeared on any of my year-end compilations - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, Alejandro Escovedo, the Helio Sequence, and Cold War Kids - and they have each appeared only once before (disclosure: not included among the four is Mark Lanegan, who appeared as a solo artist in '04, and this year he appears as a member of the Gutter Twins and as a duet vocalist with Isobel Campbell). I try to be attentive to who the audience for this disc is, because it's a very broad spectrum of people in terms of age, taste, and involvement with music. Some people will have never heard of anything on the disc, even if it includes some songs and artists which are so popular and receive so much publicity that it seems impossible to own a television, a radio, or an Internet connection without being clobbered over the head with it. Other people are so active in their pursuit of new music that by the time a band is playing to audiences of more than 200 and have sold a couple thousand records, it's yesterday's news. Oh, how to please 'em all...

Ultimately, I always issue the disclaimer that this is not a "Best Of" the year proclamation. It's a compilation of music released in 2008 that I found to be good, fun, gripping, interesting, and exciting. Enjoy!



1. Raphael Saadiq feat. Joss Stone - Just One Kiss
This entire album is amazing. While he sounds like he might have been cryogenically frozen in Berry Gordy's Motown factory and thawed out in 2008, in reality, dude was a founding member of Toni! Toni! Tone!
2. M.I.A. - Paper Planes (Bun B & Rich Boy remix)
When your name is Mathangi Arulpragasam, a stage name is a good idea. The original version came out in '07 and was a Top Ten pop hit, by far the most commercially successful thing on this compilation. The version included here was released on a 2008 EP of re-mixes.
3. The Gutter Twins - Idle Hands
A collaboration between Mark Lanegan (of Screaming Trees and Queens of the Stone Age fame) and Greg Dulli (of Afghan Whigs fame). I saw them live and it was the best, most powerful show I saw all year. The album had just been released that day, so nobody had heard the songs yet, but they still had 1,100 people at the Showbox eating out of their hands from the first note.
4. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!
This is one bad-ass Australian. One critic describes his music as driven by "obsessions with religion, death, love, America, and violence with a bizarre, sometimes self-consciously eclectic hybrid of blues, gospel, rock, and arty post-punk..." This guy's music is a compelling earful, to say the least.
5. Alejandro Escovedo - People (We’re Only Gonna Live So Long)
I've loved this guy for years, and the album he put out this year, for my money, is the best he's ever done.
6. Jakob Dylan - All Day And All Night
You may know him as the frontman for the Wallflowers, or as the son of a mildly accomplished song and dance man. His solo debut is recorded in an earthy, organic fashion with modest arrangements that let the songs breathe. Produced by Rick Rubin, who did the early Beastie Boys stuff and more recently the stark, minimalist "comebacks" for Johnny Cash and Neil Diamond.
7. Massy Ferguson - Breathing In
Seattle band. Jessica works with the drummer, Dave. We saw one of their first gigs in '07 and they put out a good album of roots rock in '08. I wouldn't be surprised if these guys quit their day jobs pretty soon.
8. The Hold Steady - Sequestered In Memphis
If music takes you someplace, this should take you to a crowded dump with a loud bar band on stage. Low-grade draft beer in plastic cup optional. Don't worry if you spill some on yourself. This is rock and roll.
9. The Black Keys - I Got Mine
Best band out of Akron since the Pretenders and Devo. These guys have almost made the mix a couple times, and finally do here with their fourth album, produced by Danger Mouse (half of Gnarls Barkley). Rumor has it this album was planned as a collaboration with Ike Turner before his death last year.
10. Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - Come On Over (Turn Me On)
This lovely Scottish lass and founding member of the indie chamber pop darlings Belle & Sebastian has made a couple wonderful solo albums of duets with Lanegan. I'd like her to tell me bedtime stories and maybe write me a song.
11. Gang Gang Dance - House Jam
This Brooklyn-based, arty, percussive, electronic stuff came recommended on a music bulletin board. To some degree, I like going on tips from people I don't really know; you may stumble upon something great, or something that sounds like a chorus of cats being strangled, composed by deaf people. If you like music, you've got to be willing to kiss a few toads before finding a prince. This would be a prince.
12. Hot Chip - Hold On
This quirky, poppy London band was recommended by a DJ friend last year. It's quite catchy, don'tcha think? If some of your body parts aren't moving to this, go see a doctor.
13. The Helio Sequence - Hallelujah
This Portland-based duo was the first band I saw live after moving to Seattle in '04. They were playing under a tent, across from the football stadium before a Seahawks pre-season game, along with other great indie bands Kinksi and Minus the Bear. They've held a special place in heart ever since.
14. Cold War Kids - Welcome to the Occupation
A cool band out of California laments about the rat race. Had tickets to see them open for the White Stripes at the Paramount Theatre a couple years ago, but the entire tour was bagged due to drummer Meg White's "acute anxiety." Whatever, Meg - I'm sure it's rough, fame and fortune in exchange for hitting things with a stick. Finally saw Cold War Kids this year, a short in-store at Easy Street Records. They're good. You like them. Yes, you do.
15. Fleet Foxes - Ragged Wood
A Sub Pop band from Seattle. Bought this CD randomly. Sometimes, when in the record store, it won't kill ya to peruse the New Releases section and buy something randomly, maybe because the artwork is cool, maybe because the name of the band is cool, or for no particular reason. I bet $11.99 on Fleet Foxes and my number came in.
16. MGMT - Time To Pretend
This electro-clash duo formed at Wesleyan University and has hit the bigtime, per 21st Century standards, with their music being placed in t.v. shows, movies, and video games.
17. The Kills - Sour Cherry
A delightful blend of electronic beats and pop hooks makes it easy to like this eclectic punk-blues take on the proven but seldom used hand-jive rhythm.
18. The Breeders - Bang On
Remember these guys and gals from the mid-90s? Theyyyyyyy're baaaaaaaaack... The Deal sisters return with a solid album. Saw them twice this year and this song was a highlight each time.
19. Stereolab - Cellulose Sunshine
Chamber pop genius from a band which continues to be influential and alternative - not like the section of post-grunge schlock in the record store, but actually alternative. Look it up.
20. Snow Patrol - Lifeboats
Plenty of good stuff has come out of Scotland in recent years. Nice harmonies. Nice way to end a disc.

In the final selection stages, some great music ends up on the cutting room floor, and those can be tough choices, but it's part of the process. Some of the artists whose music nearly made it this year but didn't for one reason or another, include: Tom Morello the Nightwatchman, Jay Reatard, TV On The Radio, REM, Steve Cropper & Felix Cavaliere, Jesse Malin, Elvis Costello & the Imposters, Butterfly Assassins, Girl Talk, the B-52s, Of Montreal, Poi Dog Pondering, the Walkmen, Sun Kil Moon, Ratatat, the Dodos, Rachael Yamagata, the Streets, My Morning Jacket, Weezer, and Buddy Guy. Last year in April or May, I emailed everyone who gets this disc and asked who was interested in a "B-Sides" mix of songs that didn't quite make it. A fair number of people took me up on that, and it was fun to do, so we'll be doing it again this year.

* thanks to Jessica for designing the artwork, Li'l Aimee for helping her finalize it, and Theresa the Meatball Queen for the Lynyrd Skynyrd Christmas album.

Public Service Announcement

For all you people with regular television sets, wondering if you're being forced to buy a high definition / plasma / LCD fancy pants t.v. just to watch the network news come February '09... don't believe the hype. While the major retailers (Best Buy et al) are required to honor a government-issued voucher for the digital converter, they're not making as much of a point to advertise that as they are to advertise (and dedicate significant floor and wall space to) a bevy of HD, plasma, and LCD screens. I myself have a 42" plasma t.v. and I love it - got a great deal a couple years ago when a few of 'em fell off the back of a truck in Spokane. Anyway... before you spend money on something you don't necessarily want, here's a Q&A from the January '09 Playboy Advisor (Carmen Electra on the cover - nothing against her, but what's behind her celebrity, other than banging Prince, Dennis Rodman, Dave Navarro, Tommy Lee, and members of Korn and Cypress Hill? Man, this broad has had more dick than a urinal at the YMCA). I get Playboy for the articles, people:

I've heard that televisions using antennae will no longer work in the U.S. after next month. Do I need to buy a new set?
- D.K., St. Louis, Missouri
By government decree, as of midnight on February 17 all major stations will broadcast only in digital. But that doesn't mean you need a new set. If your television was made after about 2003, it likely has a digital tuner. Check your owner's manual. If you subscribe to a cable or satellite service, you won't need a new set. If you have an older one and use an antennae, you'll need a device to convert the digital signal to analog. To request a $40 gift card from Uncle Sam that you can apply to the cost of a converter, visit dtv2009.gov or call 888-388-2009. The boxes cost $40 to $70 each.

In other news, we got some snow last night in Seattle. This only tends to happen once a year, which makes it the lead story in the Sunday paper. (pictured below, that's Champ, not the paper).

Chicken Parm

It's the day after Thanksgiving. Jessica is co-hosting and serving as a mistress of ceremonies for a Board Game Pub Crawl in our neighborhood. As I write this, she is leading people from one bar to another, playing board games ranging from the heady Settlers of Catan to the simple Hungry Hungry Hippos, fun games like Trivial Pursuit and Scattergories, and much in between. Me, I'm in the heat of the holiday season, listening to music released in 2008, a big project whose result is a mix CD of music released in the current year which I send out as (or instead of) a holiday card to about 100 friends and family. I ponder an activity to accompany this Listening Party For One. Cleaning? Not tonight. Cooking? Sheeeeeit....

I re-visit a simple but delightful dish I used to make, something I've never used a recipe for. When baking, recipes and amounts matter; when cooking, not so much. I get this from my mother, who didn't teach me how to cook as much as she instilled in me the simple philosophy of cooking, which dictates that when given a list of ingredients, the answer to "how much?" is often "to taste" or "by sight." This approach has always served me well and I stand by it. Also, when cooking, overestimating what you'll need is always fine, particularly with this dish, because Chicken Parm travels quite nicely in Tupperware for lunch at work, and as a leftover. Rather than offer ingredient quantities and serving sizes, I'll tell you what you need to make a pan of chicken parm, so without further ado...

What You Need:
Chicken - boneless, skinless, breast
Tomato Sauce - any tomato-based sauce (I use Classico tomato & basil)
Cheese - shredded parmesan and/or mozzarella
Bread Crumbs - buy it seasoned or buy it plain and season it yourself
Eggs - I use 3 whether I'm cooking for 2 or 22
Flour
Olive Oil

PREP WORK:
1. SET OUT GARBAGE & RECYCLING
Accessible receptacles will save you time, brothers and sisters.

1. PRE-HEAT the oven to 375.
2. POT OF WATER w/ a dash of salt & olive oil - put it on the stove on medium-high
3. ASSEMBLY LINE on your counter. No counter? Bring a table into the kitchen, a card table, t.v. tables, laundry folding table, whatever. Left to Right, you want:

Raw Chicken - Flour - Beaten Eggs - Bread Crumbs - Breaded Chicken - it'll look something like this:

Clockwise from lower left: raw chicken, flour, egg, bread crumbs, chicken ready to be fried. Just off to the right, your fried chicken. Separate layers with paper towels.

Now...

Frying Pan - put it on low-medium heat (3-4 on electric) with a shallow pond of Olive Oil. You'll be throwing chicken in here very shortly.

PRE-PRODUCTION
1. DIP. Move clockwise from lower left by taking a piece of chicken, cover in flour, then egg, then bread crumbs, then put it on the plate. When the plate is full of breaded chicken...
2. FRY. LIGHTLY Throw the breaded chicken in the frying pan and turn the heat up to medium (6-7 on electric). Fry until lightly golden brown, just enough for some crispy.
3. DIP/FRY ROTATION. While the first plate of chicken is frying, repeat the Assembly Line process. When the plate is full, you're ready to flip the chicken in the frying pan(s).

4. LINE THAT PAN. With marinara sauce. Don't go crazy, just enough to cover the bottom.

5. LAYER. The pan is lined. Cover the surface area with your lightly fried chicken. Now, sprinkle some cheese on top. Not too much, just some, this cheese is secondary in presentation but primary in taste, for it is the only cheese which will melt right on the chicken and thus guaranteed to be in every bite.

Now... add a layer of marinara sauce and be healthy. Don't use ALL your sauce. You want some extra just in case, and it's nice to add a little to leftovers. But, be liberal in your sauce application. You can never have too much sauce. It's good for bread-dipping and good for bringing microwaved leftovers to life.

Now... THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT THANG!!!

Cover the pan. Throw it in the oven. Bake, 12-15 minutes on 350-375...
Now, throw your pasta into the pot of water.
Done. Fresh out of the oven, it'll look somethin' like this:

While your masterpiece cools down for a few, strain your pasta and throw some in the bottom of the bowls or plates. Then, put some chicken parm on top. Sprinkle some shredded parmesan or Romano cheese on there and, if you're a sloppy bastard like me, it'll look kinda like this:

PATS WIN!

Ed and I went to see our football team, the New England Patriots, play in Seattle today. Close game, Pats won, 24-21 in the final two minutes. Seattle sports fans... I have issues with you but will not share them today. Thanks to our friend Spiro for the tickets - way upstairs and on the 50, a very nice way to watch a game.