Grandma Denny's Greatest Hits

Jessica's grandma is a gem. When I first met her on xmas of '05, just as we were actually meeting, someone pointed me out and told her who I was. She proceeded to say, "Oh, this is Jessica's friend? Poor guy." That's #1 of 2 among Grandma Denny's Greatest Hits. I was not present for the second item, but it came this Turkey Day, when Jessica brought our friend Aimee down to the PDX. The exchange allegedly went something like this:
Grandma: "Hi, where are you from?"
Aimee: "Philadelphia."
Grandma: "I'm sorry. You seem like a nice girl."
XMAS EVE
Jessica and I worked on the 24th and eventually got down to Portland's Ace Hotel around 9pm. She took care of things all around. The room, an in-room picnic of fancy cheeses, crackers, meats, jelly, fruit, cider, sparkling water... this is our low-key xmas eve chill-out. The calm before the storm. And it was perfect. The room was huge, the picnic was more than even I and my 800-lb. gorilla appetite could handle. The room had a turntable. Uncle Eddie sent me, among many other gifts, a Fools record. We listened to "Psycho Chicken." The ruptured blood vessel in my left nostril sprung a leak and I bled most of the night. That was awesome! Okay, it wasn't. But all the other stuff? That was awesome.

KRIMMITH!
Morning - Jessica's mom Vicki lays out a fantastic breakfast spread with scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, flapjacks, her dessert roll, fresh-squeezed OJ, and coffee. Everything is made in that kitchen and everything is second to none. Then we exchange gifts among the immediate family, where Vicki and Jessica's dad Phil give all the kids (at 38, I'm a kid) a stocking with a handful of items ranging from Reese's chocolate eggs to iTunes gift cards.
Noon - gift card exchange at grandma's house with the cousins, aunts and uncles, featuring such delightful snacks as the old family recipe shrimp mold and the traditional champagne-strawberry cocktail. The gift card exchange is fun. Each couple brings a $25 gift card for anything and wraps it, then draws a number. In numerical order, each couple selects a card. If you don't like what you got, and/or you wish to trade up, you can force a trade onto anyone with their previously selected card. We found a Hooters card at the 7-11 and successfully navigated the system to make sure that cousin Joseph, an active Marine stationed at Camp Pendleton (San Diego) got it - we knew he'd act like he didn't want it, but we figure a 21 year-old Marine either really wants $25 credit at Hooters or he can use it as currency within the barracks in some fashion.
Afternoon - xmas dinner is held at the very cozy and charming Oregon City home of Jessica's sister Sara and her husband Saint Rob. (Sara is expecting in July '10 and Espiritu Santi Roberto is my homeboy). I don't know how they get this done, given they're both at the morning and noon stops and advance prep can only getcha so close, but by 3pm they've cranked out a spread fit for a room full of royalty. Vicki (xmas MVP) helps a whole lot in the kitchen, but still, there are only so many pairs of hands and so forth and this production just impresses the almighty christmas out of me. This year's culinary cornucopia includes a ham, scalloped potatoes, another potato casserole dish of diced taters topped with a corn flake crust, a whipped cream and fruit salad, cookies, deviled eggs (most underrated holiday food item). I made a loaf of my xmas dessert bread with sliced apples, walnuts, chocolate chips, cinnamon and nutmeg, and as good as that loaf is, it wouldn't even get honorable mention at this banquet. There was all kinds of beer and soda. Dinner wound down just in time for the Chargers-Titans pre-game show.

For some reason, I've always loved everything about Christmas except Christmas Day itself. By the 25th, I'm normally just kind of tired. Jessica has been joking that I don't celebrate Christmas, but the birth of Christmas music. Perhaps that's part of the story - I do love holiday music, and there's an endless well of it to discover so a lifelong hobby awaits. I love the lights and decor, the ceremonial fashion in which every city and town rolls out its stuff. I even enjoy observing how people who treat each other like assholes all year long find ways to be incredibly nice and appreciative during the second half of December. The behavioral psychology of that is simply fascinating. Anyway, as it turned out, this was one awesome December 25. I'm already looking forward to next year's festivities.

THE DAY AFTER
Sara already had lunch plans. Jessica, Rob and I went to breakfast in Gladstone, a place we ate at once. The breakfast there is fit for a lumberjack. Jessica got a French toast dish. Rob and I each got the chicken fried steak, which is our mutual center of breakfast gravity. I thought it was just shy of outstanding, but then, I've never met a chicken fried steak I didn't like. Rob's review: "Average at best." I initially considered asking Santi Roberto if he was f***ing kidding me. Instead, I chose to see it as another avenue to pursue with my man. As time will pass, Roberto y Enrico shall find the greatest chicken fried steak. Oh yes. We will.